Monday, January 26, 2009

Menoleh sebentar...

Back to blogging after 2 days of "closing door". Thanks all my dear friends for all the doa and wishes.

I was OK when I get that news. OK in term of being able to hold onto my foot, no tears, and Sheila said; I looked cool - no shaking.( ombak di dalam hang tak nampak Shiela)
I saw Pete was holding his red eyes. Hahaha.. jantan ni memang lembut hati - 6 tahun kerja dengan dia, memang aku tau sangat..I still can debate with them of my this and that deductions.At one point, I raised my voice on my request to pay me back my 5 days leave hijacked from me due to Friday shutdown in Dec. ( 5 days salary babe.. that covers one installment to my Matrix.)I only stopped reasonng when the person at the other end said, OK, we'll looked into this and we'll bank in to your account if it's approved.
DURING briefing thru' con-call frm HQ.I smsed my husband but told him not to call until I buzz hm up.Pete asked the stupid question.
"Can you accept this"
"Bodoh!"I want to say this word right to his face.tapi tak terkeluar. Lekat kat penapis kerongkong. Dan rasa hormat pada dia sebagai immediate boss, terbang entah ke mana. Sebab tu la cakap ngan dia pagi ini pun lebih kurang jer...macam samseng pun ada!I looked at his pale face - really, after the 6th yrs of service,I never seen this kind of pale face, with read ring on his eye lid -he did looks like a pale ghost! I asked him back,
"Why me?"
He looked down to the floor ( Yes, he cannot face me now). His lips and jaw bergerak sikit but no words out. I continue pressing him.. ( my last chance , kan..)"You gave me very good performance appraisal. Why me?"
I looked straight to his tearry eyes for a sincere answer. He cannot take my stern look. He looked down to the floor and said,
"This is not an easy decision"
Heh heh.. I smile synical smile and look at Sheila who watched the drama.
"This is not about my performance, right?"
"None..you did great. You're part of me,this is not an easy take. Like chopping off my own hand".

Nak maki mamat ni pun ada ...Ya la.. ego as a senior staff mesti ada kan....tapi mulut tak pandai berkata,"double face, as you had made this decion , why cannot tell me off now?I would rather take yr words about my losing point now than facing up yr guilty face, looser!
(They had dismissed 3 others in the same way and their immediate boss was the one who break the news to them. One with a higher postion than me was been called to BB office and handed off. Wondering , in my case, kenapa Pete tak berani cakap sendiri; why not his boss (BB). Kenapa orang besar HR dari HQ yang buat conference call to deliver this message to me).
I was given NET 5.6 month of compensation payment. Sakit hati nengok conpensation tax been charged out to me; besar punya deduction tu.. gone...I closed the con-call and walk off. Pete called me to his room.I said, "not now, I see you after I pack - 6 years..banyak personal stuff."
Back to my place, my husbad called. He said, "Never mind. Come home. We talk".

Then Pete called me to his room. He was busy calling his contact asking for vacancies. He promised me to find a job and look around his circle of contact.
Thanks Pete. No words to say, tak tau nak judge if he is really sincere or just to cover up his guilty concious...
Later I walk to surau to collect my telekung. I leave my sejadah there.. memang we're short off sejadah ; always have to share sejadah. Bye bye surau...
Before I stepped out. I pause and looked back. Unpacked my telekung, do abolution and I performed sunat Dhuha. After the doa, I broke off; and cried and sobbed out. I did sujud syukur and recite 'alam-nashrah'. Being alone there for quiet a while allow me to be re-assemble my focus, re-collecting strength and smile back to the world. Saya mohon supaya Allah berikan saya kekuatan menghadapi kerenah manusia yang tidak saya tahu warna hati mereka di sini. In this situation, it is the world of dog eats dog. Saya pohon supaya Allah menolong memelihara dignity saya sebagai wanita Islam dalam menghadapi situasi ini; I am not gonna allow them to see my weakness in facing this retrenchment practice. Back to my place then I called all my collegue to Pete's room.
"Tak payah la ramai....Agatha sorang, cukup la." he said.
"No, I want all of them heard at one time." (and I want to tell them in worst words - ini dalam hati la...)
"Ok, ladies, I was just terminated. 12.30 is my last hour. Who want to take what?"
Agatha macam baru jaga tidur, mata berkedip-kedip, muka pucat tiba-tiba.
ALim terduduk.
Mabel menjegil.
Serentak "What?"
Saya menjeling Pete, Mamat ni tak reti buat benda lain selain tunduk tengok lantai!
Saya memang sengaja pintas dia, buat announcement sendiri, nak tengok reaksi dia.
"Ok - tell me what you want from me. I going to pack now".
I walked and just straight to what in my mind. DON'T CARE OF OTHERS..
Dalam hati berbunga benci dan sakit hari. Dalam keadaan ini,faktor darah dan warna kulit menjadi hakikat yang tidak tertolak sebagai pemutus jika berlaku sebarang retrenchment. They came to my romm and Agatha said, "wheyyyy, this Wednesday, I am alone, ALim and Mabel on leave. Mati la I , kena cover utk seme orang".
"It's OK, you still have a job". I snapped her off. Mengada-ngada.. dia ni memang jenis yang tak hendak berlebih kurang..

I wrote a goddbye emal to all my business acquaintances... In less then
5 mins. my hp rang up non-stop. I shut off and activated my YM and MSN instead.

Sheila called, "how do you take this.. you nampak cool".
"Sheila.. nak ribut buat apa, nak nangis buat apa, nak rayu buat apa.. it doesn't give me any good.."

( hei.. makcik ni punya wording pagi ni menyengat jer...)

I guess, I OK jugaklah...tak nangis ( depan mereka hehehe),even conforting my friends who came over to me with their tears of the sudden news..) and co-operating well with the handing over of my duties to them. ( I heard later, ALim ran to Siti, drag her to toilet and cry out).
They gave me option to go off at noon but collegue who's taking my work cannot swallow my delivery. I just can wash my hand off and chow, but everyone was in shock and shilvering and they begged me to stay longer. One had gone up to BB asking extension of hrs just because they need me longer to segment out lines thus they can iron out later by themselve.

One came over and cucuk me. Buat apa you stayback - just leave it!
On freindship basis, I am supersoft when my collegue needs help whenever I can.
I did not go and see BB at all. Others came to bid farewell. Guys with sympatic face and words but I joked about it. I told them ,I am still a manager.. a house manager.
The ladies came with tears lah.( benci I) I told them, don' start..because if I start, then I can't stop.I want to save my tears for Palestinian...
With that, we smile away.. what a better way waving goodbye...
At 4 pm FX, my core supplier's Accout Director called up frm Angers, FR and saying in chicky voice..
"hey Jamilah, I will not be missing you, dear !"
"Yup,.. you may call my hp me anytime.."
"Not that, its because, every time when I call yr company, it's yr sweet voice who answer the phone".
Aha.. now I recalled.. it was mine we use for voice over for the company's phone voice system. This is a spirit that he gave me to leave this company with good rememberance...manusia pergi meninggalkan nama...

32 comments:

Kak Elle said...

Alhamdulillah you take it with a stride:)dlm hati tuhan aje yg tau kan?

With your capabilities and good ties it won't be long you'll be running a show again.

In meanwhile take a kitkat and have a break ya:)

keep in touch,take care and a big hug from me.

Neeza Shahril said...

senak jugak tekak neeza baca entry ni.. I could imagine myself being in your shoes kakcik..
Alhamdulillah, you took it with honor. You don't beg and you understand the nature... skin color really plays some role when it comes to retrenchment..
Neeza doakan rezeki yang lebih untuk kakcik akan tiba segera. Ameen...

Kakcik mesti suara best.. that's why orang guna utk voicemail ;)

cikMilah said...

Kak, it has to be that way. Tak boleh tunjuk lemah depan mereka.
Ya,, taking break.. sampai selatan Siam.. cari durian.. hehehe.
Will definitely be online from home...InsyaAllah.

cikMilah said...

Ameen, ameen...semuga Allah makbulkan segera..
Ja, as I said, dalam keadaan camni, tak boleh tunjuk lemah - I am happy to mengasak Pete with question sampai dia tak boleh angkat muka. Biar remuk dalam hati ; tapi kena tunjuk steady.. hehehe.

Alahai..tergelak kakcik.
Suara Allah bagi tak boleh ubah..cuma action sikit jer.. hehehe..

ummi365 said...

I am happy to know you are strong. Kita tak boleh menyerah kalahkan.

Eh nak calllah company you nak dengar suara tu, mesti bestkan .. tak pun i call you nak dengar your voice. ok?

Ibnurashidi said...

erm..nak komen apa ya..

aNIe said...

Alhamdulillah...cik Milah tabah menghadapi situasi tersebut...memang betul kata cik Milah...tak guna pun nak ribut2...nak nangis2...kalau itu yang cik milah nak lakukan...lakukanlah agar segala bebanan perasaan akan terlerai...dari dada yang sedang memberat...(tapi lakukan sendiri ye...) seperti cik milah kata...you have your dignity...

Take care cik milah...

ummu asiah said...

kakcik..

at last dapat juga tahu the real story ...teruknya kan..very last minute..

welcome to the club..house manager...seronok...manage our own time..cumanya tak ada gaji..as for me dah biasa dah since tahun 2001 and later i worked part time/freelance till 2006..and bila stop everything and tak ada employer and orang atas, I feel sgt lega..I can do so many things on my own..tu yg bnyk masa utk ke sana sini with social work..dari segi kewangan of coursela cukup-cukup mkn pakai saja..

kdg2 saya trelupa yg saya pernah bekerja dan mengalami bnyk pengalaman sedih dan buruk....but now Alhamdulillah..I am happy and satisfied with just having my husband yang dok bagi gaji kat isteri dia..in fact I am 100% Menteri Kewangan!

Fakhzan Marwan said...

Cool kak,

Judging from your story, I know you possess an iron heart, way too cool, insyaAllah, they will know how valuable you are, silap2 nanti menyembah kaki mintak akak dtg balik!

No worries kak, bukan kah Allah swt itu sifatnya Al-Wahhab dan Al-Fattah? Seluruh kekayaan didunia ini kepunyaan-Nya? Mohon lah pada-Nya, insyaAllah tidak terluak sedikit pun Kekayaan Sang Raja itu...

:D maybe I will read that you are one of the millionaires in Malaysia later? :D

silversarina said...

salam,

Maaf akak tak tahan airmata baca entry ni .

Anyhow, akak yakin you memang kuat dan tabah hadapi segala yang terjadi, semoga awan mendung berarak pergi InsyaAllah.

LiLa said...

Kak Milah,

Kalau saya agaknya dah berjurai-jurai air mata :(
Anyway akak patutnya minta royalti untuk 'suara' akak tu :)

Take care!

xoxo

cikMilah said...

hahaha.. Ummi, cepat call. Nanti I nak minta royalti for my voice - kalau depa tak bagi, I suruh depa terminate my voice ..

cikMilah said...

Ustaz Farid,
doakan agar makcik dapat kerja baru yang punya suasana kerja lebih Islamik - supaya dapat makcik mengumpul rezeki, berbakti pada keluarga, mudah beribadat dan kumpul dana bawa diri & keluarga menjadi tetamu ke Baitullah.
Keep well, ya. SElamat berjaya dalam peperiksaan akhir. Mabrur...

cikMilah said...

KakAnie, terima kasih dengan kata-kata semangat dalam email akak. Ia menguatkan semangat saya.
I am proud of my self. Leaving with smile.

cikMilah said...

Ta, memang caranya abrupt,macam letusan gunung berapi. Tapi kakcik puashati berjaya kawal diri.
Masih dalam mood cuti, try to figure out of being a fulltime house manager ni...
Thanks for all the doa and kata semangat.

cikMilah said...

Fakhzan, bukan cool sangat kot..tapi berlagak cool! Kalau tak nanti takut I cannot overcome the shock - takut menangis pulak...
tak best kan.

Thanks for the comforting words; yang tak putus-putus...Ameen.

KakRina,
maaf ya. Saya buat akak sedih pulak.
InsyaAllah things will get better. Doakan saya terus-terusan dapat menghadapi hari denagn dada yang lapang dan fikiran yang positif.


Hai LiLa
memang akak kerap ingatkan diri, don't cry, don't cry..nanati depa nampak kita lemah...Alhamdulillah, menangis sorang-sorang kat surau; bila berdepan mereka berlagak cool.. hehehe

fara said...

Hai akak.....

Memula sekali nak bgtau saya terkejut gak dgn apa yg terjadi pada akak.... Memang saya dengar byk company tengah buang org tak sangka akak merupakan salah seorang yg terlibat.... saya simpati sangat....

Kedua, saya bangga ngan akak.... Akak ni memang kuat dan tabah la... saya kagum dan rasa bangga punya kawan sekuat akak... apa resepi kekuatan hati dan mental ni yek... saya nak jugak hati sekuat akak....

Saya percaya akak pasti akan lebih berjaya dalam hidup.... Kerana dugaan kecil ni akan lebih mematangkan akak kan...

Nanti balik kg bleh la saya jumpa akak sbb akak dah tak busy kerja...hehehehehe

cikMilah said...

Fara..putaran hidup warga kilang memang macam ni ..kata orang alah bisa tegal biasa.. Sebelum ini akak melihat dengan mata hati, kali ini diri sendiri terhumban.
Kekuatan itu milik Allah, mohonlah padaNya..InsyaAllah, Dia akan pinjamkan pada kita...

Silakan, bagitau je bila nak balik...tentu seronok jumpa Fara nanti:)

luna said...

ni lah nasib..suami saya tak kena retrenchment tapi working hours being cut and no more OT. ujung bulan bawak balik gaji almost 40% berkurang.

perbelanjaan skrg pun sgt ketat dan tgh berkira2 nk buat sesuatu sbg pendapatan sampingan.

smoga Allah memurahkan rezeki kita...

luna said...

0174718679

cikmilah ni nombor saya..manalah tau dpt jumpa bila2 sy jln kat jusco perda tuh..umah dkt2 situ je kan?

teringin nk kenal cikMilah.. :)

disturbia said...

salam...

i really respect ur guts...
if i was in ur place... i don;t know what i will do...

Be strong okay....

Insyaallah... ada hikmah disebalik setiap kejadian...

:)

Abang Long said...

Yang penting sekarang, tenangkan diri. Mohon bersungguh - sungguh dari Allah.

sya said...

Alhamdullilah semuanya berlalu dengan tenang. Allah berikan kekuatan. Bumi Allah ni luas dan rezeki pemberian Allah.. bukan mereka.

Betul u cakap.. bila dalam situasi begini.. performance bukan faktor tapi warna kulit dan bangsa.

ells^ciKaLiD said...

to my dear auNTie...
semuga nti dpt job yg lg baikk punyeRR..
xpun maner tau kan nti bleh buka bakery :)

MULAN said...

be strong & take care dear sis... tak tertelan air liur baca entry ni..

ZLAA said...

Cik Milah, lama saya tak singgah sini. I can understand how you feel. Cakap banyak2 pun tak guna cuma percaya pada rezeki Allah Taala.

Mrs LVoe said...

sis, u r very strong sis.. if i in ur place, im not sure whether i can accept it but yea.. life must goes on. im so proud of u.

take care n have a nice holiday.

cendawanintim said...

mohon petunjuk dariNYA..

jaga diri..

Tie said...

Salam...sebenarnya dah 2-3 kali Tie datang...tapi tak tahu nak tulis apa... rasa sedih..dan terharu..

Ramai yang komen dan beri sokongan...mungkin itulah yang diperlukan ketika ini.. Bersabarlah...setiap dugaan ini ada hikmahnya... Tie berdoa dari jauh...

zany said...

semoga kakcik tabah dan InsyaAllah ada ruang dan rezeki yang lebih baik menunggu kakcik.

cikMilah said...

Luna, memang rata-rata kilang buat salary cut off camtu, lebih elok berat sama di kendung ringan sama di jinjing..
But not on my side - cantas jer...
Sabor je la...

thanks for the ctc number.

cikMilah said...

InsyaAllah Abng Long. T. kasih pada ingatan ini

Sya, bumi Allah penuh rezeki kan. Sebenarnya, nasib depa pun belum tentu lagi di situ...

Suhaila.. Ameen...thanks!

Mulan, thanks..

Yes Zany, mudah2mudahan dapat kerja baru denagn kadar segera.. Amin...

Cendawanintim, thanks..

Tie, la...awat lagu tu, kesian ti dok mundar mandir.. Alhamdulillah, I am OK. THanks alot


Zlaa, betul tu; cakap banyak tak guna.Life is going on,..

Mrs Lvoe, masa tu akak cuma berserah dan yakin dengan kebesaran Allah. Nampak depa semua kecik macam semut ja.. :P